Is there a name for this? The person you like doesn't like you. You don't like the person who likes you. I call it the most goddamn frustrating phenomenon in the whole goddamn world.
I have forever complained about how guys don't like me. This isn't true. The RIGHT guys don't like me. I don't know which is worse... having no guy like you or having the wrong guy like you. If I don't like a guy, there's really no redeeming factor in him liking me. I feel like I'm over the "being flattered" phase. Although perhaps I was never in that phase. I was in the aloof phase of not even grasping the concept that someone could or would like me. I've always felt that there is no way a guy would like me (see: "low self-esteem"). Unless he comes right out and says, "I like you," I don't see it.
But that's not the point. The point is: my whole life, I've had unhealthy crushes on all the wrong guys. I do not understand people who find each other and are impossibly happy and together forever. Or together for more than one year (my personal record, which did not include being impossibly happy).
Relationships schmrelationships. Time to be impossibly happy being solo once more.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Making An Appeal
I'm almost ashamed to admit how long I've been doing this online dating thing.
Actually, yeah, I'm completely ashamed. I'm definitely not going to divulge how long I've had my profile.
But why am I ashamed? Online dating is second nature these days. If you can't find a mate at school, at work or at a bar, what other choices do you have? The answer is zero. Zero other choices. Essentially.
I'm ashamed because I'm not appealing to quality guys online. I'm ashamed because these are some of the guys who I appeal to (typos included):
"Hello and good morning." -- Swag69
"Hey! where do you work?"
"i been lookin at you out the corner of my eyes
you make a pimp wanna shout aye ye ye"
"I have a brother whose a famous author. Another whos best friends with jack black the actor."
"If I owned Zales shop and you were my guest. I would invite you for dinner and special evening. You be center of my attention and focus. Since your pictures and profile on here 'shines and stands out'!"
"You are beautil, I would like to be your friend"
I'll admit I rarely even respond to normal messages, but really? Is there something about me that says, "SWF, desperately seeking: illiteracy, tactlessness. Message me ASAP, thx!"
Sometimes it feels like after x number of years of doing this, maybe the single life just is what I was meant to live.
I ride my own little sine wave of loving being (seemingly) forever single and dejectedly wondering what is wrong with me. I've gone the route of trying not to think about it, which is why these blog posts have gotten fewer and farther between. But then...
There's Facebook.
I don't really want to go into all that I hate about Facebook. I just know that I fantasize about shutting mine down completely. But I can't. Just like I can't shut down my dating profile after so many unsuccessful years.
This is another reason I'm ashamed. Because I, like everyone else, am a sucker for attention. I need the occasional "like" on Facebook, and I need the occasional "You are beautil" on OKCupid. I need to think that if some guy owned a Zales shop I could be his guest and be the center of his attention and focus.
So I keep on doing as I've been doing. But how do I figure out how to finally appease myself? How do I become, at least for a moment, content (and possibly even unashamed)?
I'm not sure yet. But I have a feeling I'm not going to find it online.
Actually, yeah, I'm completely ashamed. I'm definitely not going to divulge how long I've had my profile.
But why am I ashamed? Online dating is second nature these days. If you can't find a mate at school, at work or at a bar, what other choices do you have? The answer is zero. Zero other choices. Essentially.
I'm ashamed because I'm not appealing to quality guys online. I'm ashamed because these are some of the guys who I appeal to (typos included):
"Hello and good morning." -- Swag69
"Hey! where do you work?"
"i been lookin at you out the corner of my eyes
you make a pimp wanna shout aye ye ye"
"I have a brother whose a famous author. Another whos best friends with jack black the actor."
"If I owned Zales shop and you were my guest. I would invite you for dinner and special evening. You be center of my attention and focus. Since your pictures and profile on here 'shines and stands out'!"
"You are beautil, I would like to be your friend"
I'll admit I rarely even respond to normal messages, but really? Is there something about me that says, "SWF, desperately seeking: illiteracy, tactlessness. Message me ASAP, thx!"
Sometimes it feels like after x number of years of doing this, maybe the single life just is what I was meant to live.
I ride my own little sine wave of loving being (seemingly) forever single and dejectedly wondering what is wrong with me. I've gone the route of trying not to think about it, which is why these blog posts have gotten fewer and farther between. But then...
There's Facebook.
I don't really want to go into all that I hate about Facebook. I just know that I fantasize about shutting mine down completely. But I can't. Just like I can't shut down my dating profile after so many unsuccessful years.
This is another reason I'm ashamed. Because I, like everyone else, am a sucker for attention. I need the occasional "like" on Facebook, and I need the occasional "You are beautil" on OKCupid. I need to think that if some guy owned a Zales shop I could be his guest and be the center of his attention and focus.
So I keep on doing as I've been doing. But how do I figure out how to finally appease myself? How do I become, at least for a moment, content (and possibly even unashamed)?
I'm not sure yet. But I have a feeling I'm not going to find it online.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Un Deux Trois
Car shopping.
Job hunting.
Boyfriend searching.
These things do not come easy for me. And there seems to be something related between them all.
There are certain things you see right away and know it's not going to work. Maybe you go back and look one more time, or ten more times, but every time something holds you back. Is this being snobbish, or is this knowing what you want, or maybe a little bit of both?
I see a bright blue car and I know straight away it's not the one for me. But then I keep going back to it. Maybe the color will grow on me? Maybe it's perfect in every other way? It's just one flaw, really.
I find a job that's on the outskirts of town and it's clear I won't be applying. But then it keeps popping up. So maybe it's not my dream job, but maybe the pay is great, or the people are great, or the product is great.
I discover a guy in army fatigues has sent a message to me a dating site. Right away, that's a no. But our likes and dislikes are similar and he always shows up at the top of my results. Is his involvement in the military that big of a deal?
I imagine I can't be alone in having this problem. If I'm in no immediate need for a new car, new job or new boyfriend, I don't need to settle until I've found perfection, right? But at the same time, am I giving up too soon and passing up a potential gem?
And that's the rub.
They say things come in threes. Here are my three. So let's see what happens.
Job hunting.
Boyfriend searching.
These things do not come easy for me. And there seems to be something related between them all.
There are certain things you see right away and know it's not going to work. Maybe you go back and look one more time, or ten more times, but every time something holds you back. Is this being snobbish, or is this knowing what you want, or maybe a little bit of both?
I see a bright blue car and I know straight away it's not the one for me. But then I keep going back to it. Maybe the color will grow on me? Maybe it's perfect in every other way? It's just one flaw, really.
I find a job that's on the outskirts of town and it's clear I won't be applying. But then it keeps popping up. So maybe it's not my dream job, but maybe the pay is great, or the people are great, or the product is great.
I discover a guy in army fatigues has sent a message to me a dating site. Right away, that's a no. But our likes and dislikes are similar and he always shows up at the top of my results. Is his involvement in the military that big of a deal?
I imagine I can't be alone in having this problem. If I'm in no immediate need for a new car, new job or new boyfriend, I don't need to settle until I've found perfection, right? But at the same time, am I giving up too soon and passing up a potential gem?
And that's the rub.
They say things come in threes. Here are my three. So let's see what happens.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
You Must Not Know 'Bout Me
So as you may be able to tell from this blog, I don't have a good track record when it comes to relationships. And as I've mentioned before, even though I have years of experience with breakups, they don't get easier with experience. Some things, however, do help.
Last night my dear friend Nikia invited me out to partake in one of my all-time favorite activities: singing. But this was a new singing experience. It wasn't karaoke or singing in the car, it was an organized adult group sing-a-long. And it was fabulous.
I have to admit, when I first learned the theme of the songs would be love, I was saddened. After just getting dumped, I wasn't in the mood to hear sappy love lyrics. Then I remembered not all songs about love are happy ones. The group of about 15-20 people started out tame enough, singing "The Shoop Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)" [side note: it totally IS in his kiss] and "Ho Hey," but then we got some angsty songs... "Don't Speak," "Somebody That I Used to Know," "Irreplaceable," and, the highlight for me, "You Oughta Know."
It's one thing to listen to an angry breakup song in your house or in your car, but when you're with a group of strangers coming together and shout-singing about a relationship gone wrong, it's incredibly cathartic.
I was actually feeling pretty happy again. So when "I'll Make Love to You" was on queue, I happily obliged to sing about people in love (or lust) getting it on. [Side note #2: unsurprisingly, we also sang "Let's Get it On."] I reminisced about middle school slow dances when "Truly Madly Deeply" came on, couldn't help belting out "I Wanna Dance with Somebody," and ended strong with my favorite duo, Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams Come True."
I'm so glad someone decided to create this event. I love singing in the first place, so two hours of it was perfect.
Laughter may be the best medicine, but group sing-a-longs will definitely help the all-too-common broken heart syndrome.
Last night my dear friend Nikia invited me out to partake in one of my all-time favorite activities: singing. But this was a new singing experience. It wasn't karaoke or singing in the car, it was an organized adult group sing-a-long. And it was fabulous.
I have to admit, when I first learned the theme of the songs would be love, I was saddened. After just getting dumped, I wasn't in the mood to hear sappy love lyrics. Then I remembered not all songs about love are happy ones. The group of about 15-20 people started out tame enough, singing "The Shoop Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)" [side note: it totally IS in his kiss] and "Ho Hey," but then we got some angsty songs... "Don't Speak," "Somebody That I Used to Know," "Irreplaceable," and, the highlight for me, "You Oughta Know."
It's one thing to listen to an angry breakup song in your house or in your car, but when you're with a group of strangers coming together and shout-singing about a relationship gone wrong, it's incredibly cathartic.
I was actually feeling pretty happy again. So when "I'll Make Love to You" was on queue, I happily obliged to sing about people in love (or lust) getting it on. [Side note #2: unsurprisingly, we also sang "Let's Get it On."] I reminisced about middle school slow dances when "Truly Madly Deeply" came on, couldn't help belting out "I Wanna Dance with Somebody," and ended strong with my favorite duo, Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams Come True."
I'm so glad someone decided to create this event. I love singing in the first place, so two hours of it was perfect.
Laughter may be the best medicine, but group sing-a-longs will definitely help the all-too-common broken heart syndrome.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Our Love's in Jeopardy
Okay I have a bit of thing for game shows. I always have loved them and probably always will. The thing is, watching them and playing along is only so much fun when you're alone.
What does it mean to be single? It means getting super difficult Final Jeopardy questions right and only having yourself to congratulate, well, yourself.
Case in point: "2 of the 3 countries that are completely encircled by one other country."
Me, alone, to myself: "Oh, well Vatican City, obvs, and then that one in South Africa, uhhh Lesotho?"
Alex Trebek: "...Vatican City, San Marino, Lesotho."
Me, alone, to myself: "OMG did anyone just see that? I got that. I GOT THAT. What a spectacular display of useless knowledge! Someone had to have witnessed this! I impressed someone, right??"
**crickets**
Hmph.
Sure, every now and then I watch Jeopardy with someone else. Of course I don't perform nearly as well, but whatevs. I'm totally content impressing myself, congratulating myself, amazing myself.
And someday, someone will witness first-hand my arsenal of useless knowledge on the reg. I'm sure of it.
xoxo
What does it mean to be single? It means getting super difficult Final Jeopardy questions right and only having yourself to congratulate, well, yourself.
Case in point: "2 of the 3 countries that are completely encircled by one other country."
Me, alone, to myself: "Oh, well Vatican City, obvs, and then that one in South Africa, uhhh Lesotho?"
Alex Trebek: "...Vatican City, San Marino, Lesotho."
Me, alone, to myself: "OMG did anyone just see that? I got that. I GOT THAT. What a spectacular display of useless knowledge! Someone had to have witnessed this! I impressed someone, right??"
**crickets**
Hmph.
Sure, every now and then I watch Jeopardy with someone else. Of course I don't perform nearly as well, but whatevs. I'm totally content impressing myself, congratulating myself, amazing myself.
And someday, someone will witness first-hand my arsenal of useless knowledge on the reg. I'm sure of it.
xoxo
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Survey Says
So I'm watching Family Feud (yeah whatever) and they're playing the final segment of the show and one of the questions is, "We surveyed 100 men: how many ex-boyfriends can a girl have before it's too many?" I'm thinking, oh let's see, 10? Maybe 15? I don't know; how many boyfriends have I had?
Then they answer:
"Um, 3!"
"Ohh let's say, 5!"
What. These silly people...
Then, out of the 100 men surveyed, 5 was the top answer.
Who are these girls that date 5 (or less) dudes and have already found their soulmate? More importantly, how is FIVE too many? And what do they mean by "too many?" Was that a subtle way of asking, at what point are you an unstable tramp who's no longer appealing to the opposite sex?
Five.
My goodness.
xoxo
Then they answer:
"Um, 3!"
"Ohh let's say, 5!"
What. These silly people...
Then, out of the 100 men surveyed, 5 was the top answer.
Who are these girls that date 5 (or less) dudes and have already found their soulmate? More importantly, how is FIVE too many? And what do they mean by "too many?" Was that a subtle way of asking, at what point are you an unstable tramp who's no longer appealing to the opposite sex?
Five.
My goodness.
xoxo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)