Bitter or Better?

This is going to be a tough blog. I'm doing it for myself as sort of an early new year's resolution. Maybe it won't even last that long, but judging by the last 27 years, it could go on for miles.

I've done an incredible amount of self reflection over the past couple weeks. I'm working on finding an understanding of what I've been struggling with over the past several years: what does it mean to be single in this age of social networking?

Every romantic relationship you're in today is public. Too public. Frighteningly public. And the relationships you aren't in are, unfortunately, just as public (if only just to yourself). Photograph after photograph of new couples, happy couples, engaged couples, married couples, expectant couples, forever couples. Anecdotes so saccharine you are sure you must gouge your eyes out after reading them. Blogs wholly dedicated to that wonderful, blissful life of love and marriage. Precious pictures of precious progeny doing preciously, pitifully ordinary things. And why? Is this a competition? Who has the cutest engagement pose? Whose wedding venue was most extravagant? Which nude newborn baby has the bubbliest tush and poutiest lips? People were never this prideful ten years ago. Five years ago, even. I'm not a religious person, but I'm familiar with those deadly sins, and it seems that big P-word is taking over with a vengeance.

So what does it mean when you're a single? Well, in today's social atmosphere, it means you're either trying to get the marrieds to feel sorry for you, you're trying to crack jokes about everything or, hopefully, you're trying your damnedest to find out why you're single and why it's fabulous. I'd always wanted the marrieds and the couples to feel sorry for me, going through life on my own. Coming home to an quiet studio apartment. Sleeping in an empty bed. Eating alone. Snuggling on the sofa solo. Taking trips by myself. Going shopping with no one. For years on end...

And then, it hit me. These are not bad things in the least. A quiet studio all to myself? How incredible! All my own stuff; my own decorations, scents, messes, sounds, food, drinks: it's all mine. An empty bed? How freeing! I can sleep diagonally, with covers, without covers, toss and turn all I want, snore, stretch out, run in my sleep. Eating alone? Delicious! No one to tell me what to make, how to make it, that it's bad, that it's cold, that it's boring. Chips and salsa for dinner? Why the hell not? Nothing I don't want, everything I do. Snuggling on the sofa solo? Divine! No unwanted channel surfing, not too loud or too quiet, nothing I don't want to watch, everything I do; no scrunching up, no leg cramps, just freedom all around. Trips by myself? Perfect! Only one plane ticket means a fraction of the cost, go wherever, whenever, however. And shopping with no one? I wouldn't want it any other way! I decide what I need, how much to spend, where to go, when to go. Is this what it means to be single? Why aren't we all then?

Well, because of course singledom has its drawbacks. But we can discuss that later. For right now, I have to do whatever the hell I want.

xoxo